I don't love you
by SoScreamsAWhisper
Summary: In which Sophie refuses to tell howl that she loves him. Jealousy. Cause we all know how much I love that. Takes place after the events of Howl's moving castle, the movie. [HowlXSophie, SophieXHowl]. I don't own cover image.
1. What's real is not

Summary: In which Sophie refuses to tell howl that she loves him. Jealousy. Cause we all know how much I love that. Takes place after the events of Howl's moving castle, the movie. [HowlXSophie, SophieXHowl].

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><p>Howl came into the room, immediately finding where Sophie was. She was sitting on the ground near Calcifer, seemingly ready to give him a new log to hold (burn).<p>

Howl felt a small smile cross his face for a moment. Though when she turned around, it was long gone.

"Oh, Howl," said Sophie, in that breathtaking voice of her's. "How long have you been standing there?"

He shrugged, shaking her inquiry off. "Not long," he assured her, laid back as usual.

She smiled at his response. "Okay, then. I was putting some wood on Calcifer for you," she told him, business as usual.

He smirked kindly, all charm. "Well, Calcifer, make sure to thank Sophie. Carry on, then," was all he said in response.

Sophie could've sworn her heart stopped at his words. She watched as Howl turned and left.

She sighed, turning her attention back to Calcifer with a sad smile upon her face.

Calcifer understood the look all too well. It was the same one that all of Howl's past girlfriends had on their faces' whenever Howl left the room.

Complete and utter sadness.

_~0~_

Howl fell against his door with a slight **_thud_**, ever the over-dramatic drama-queen. That's usually how all of their conversations go these days. Ever since she's freed Calcifer and given him back his heart, they were left with old awkwardness.

Howl had never had a steady girlfriend before, and he had intended to keep it that way, that is... until Sophie came into the picture. She was like no other woman he had ever met. She was fiery, yet cool. Shy, yet outspoken. Proper, yet wild. Every aspect of her was like two people, one to peel back, and one to get comfortable with.

But ever since Sophie had set him free, he'd felt a strange attraction to her- one so fierce and unseen before. He also remembered fondly her words when she'd returned it;

"A heart's a heavy burden."

All he'd wanted to respond was the truth- that he'd be brave enough to care for it if she helped him.

But, on the other hand, he was confused. Was this his heart playing cruel tricks on him? He'd never truly fallen in love with a woman before, but what if his heart was giving him the illusion that he loved her, when, in fact, he did not?

He'd had so many girlfriends over the years that it was hard to shake the thoughts of the game from his mind.

Another one of his doubts was what would happen if she told him that she loves him? If so, would he revert back to his old self and leave her alone- leave behind every adventure they had shared- short or long?

Howl shook his head, as though, that were enough to clear it. He sighed, quickly stripping off his shirt and tossing it beside his bed. He fell down face-first into the comfort of his mattress.

His final thought before falling asleep was, "Ahhh, I hate love!"

End of chap one.

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><p>P.s., I own nothing. The characters belong to Diana Wynne Jones. Thank you.<p> 


	2. Purple is the new black

Summary: In which Sophie refuses to tell howl that she loves him. Jealousy. Cause we all know how much I love that. Takes place after the events of Howl's moving castle, the movie. [HowlXSophie, SophieXHowl].

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><p>Howl woke up to sunlight streaming through his window. He sat up in bed and yawned, smiling pleasantly as he climbed out and cast a quick spell for making his bed.<p>

As Howl came out, he yelled, "Calcifer, hot water in the bathroom!"

Calcifer rolled his eyes, stuck out his tongue, but obeyed nonetheless.

Sophie came out of her room and entered the kitchen. "Where's Howl?" She asked him, trying to keep her voice steady, which wasn't easy with the amount of hormones coursing through her.

"In the shower, wasting the water on dying his hair, as usual," Calcifer smirked. "So, what hair color will he have this time?"

She blushed at his tease. "You'll see," was all she allowed him to know.

"See what?" they turned around to see Markl leaning over the railing, eyes wide.

"What color Sophie dyed Howl's hair this time," answered Calcifer.

Markl laughed, wanting to get in on the action as well. "So what did you dye it?" he pressed his mother-figure.

Sophie wagged a finger at him playfully. "A good magician never reveals her secret," was all she allowed herself to say.

Markl pouted, making Sophie want to break down, but she just wanted them to see for themselves.

Howl came out of the bathroom nota moment's time later, eyes wide. His hair-color? Bright purple. "Sophie, you've ruined me!" he yelled in despair. "What shall I do with purple hair?! I will never be beautiful again!"

Sophie rolled her eyes at his dramaticness. "You, the almighty wizard, don't have enough power to change your haircolor, yet you could break my curse?"

Howl blushed at the implication. "That's- I am almighty!" He declared. "I will break this spell!"

He seemingly fell to the ground. He pulled a white stick from midair and drew a circle with several other marking inside it. He stood up, and his hair began changing color. First to a midnight black, then to a dark brown, then to a very red ginger, next fading to a gentle blonde.

Howl smirked when it was finished. "See?!" he crowed, "There's not a spell in the world I can't cast!"

Sophie rolled her eyes at his tone. "Yes. How great of you."

"You think so?"

Sophie could only laugh aloud while she started crying silently inside.


	3. Sophie catches death

Summary: In which Sophie refuses to tell Howl that she loves him. Jealousy. Cause we all know how much I love that. Takes place after the events of Howl's moving castle, the movie. [HowlXSophie, Sophie Howl].

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><p>Sophie hadn't been feeling well for a week now, thus causing Howl to freak out. Of course, the world couldn't know that he had a crush on a normal girl! What would the world come to?! That meant that he had to keep his distance.<p>

It was harder than he'd expected.

When he'd first heard the news, his urge to drop everything he had been working on, and Hugo her, came viciously. Instead, he'd forced himself to move a steady pace. That didn't fool Calcite for a minute.

They may not have shared a heart anymore, but he could tell when something was bothering him. In this case, it was Sophie, these days.

"Love-struck, I believe it's called these days," he thought quietlym to himself. Then aloud, as Howl was going by, "Howl, you might want to go up there fast- Sophie's hacking- she must be dying!"

_**THAT **_got him moving. Almost tripping up the stairs, as he ran. He threw her bedroom door open. "Sophie," he gasped out, "Calcifer said you were coughing. Are you dying?!"

She frowned at Calcifer's reasoning. "No, I don't think so. It's just a small cold, I believe."

Howl made a note to _**MURDER**_ that flame when he was done coming up with a good excuse for rushing into Sophie's room.

He edged over to her, putting a hand on her forehead, whispered a quick incantation, then removed his hand again. "Your temperature should go down in a while," he kindly told her. "If you need me, I shall be downstairs."

He paused, as if waiting for her to say that there was something she needed. Eventually, he left.

Long after he was gone, Sophie frowned to herself.

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><p>Calcifer watched as Howl thundered downstairs, much like a raging storm. "Is she dead?" Calcifer chuckled, priding himself at his own cleverness.<p>

"That wasn't funny, Calcifer," he gasped, gripping his hair. "I bursted right in there without even knocking!"

"So?" the talking fire didn't get it. "What could have gone wrong?"

"A lot! She could have been changing- or-or- actually that's all I had. But it could have been worse."

Calcifer shrugged. "I figured as much."

Calcifer only chuckled as his crazed, love-struck ran from the room again.

Drama queen.


	4. Love's anger

It was now six o'clock and Howl hadn't gotten over Calcifer's trick. He truly lived up to his name as the effeminate drama queen.

He currently laid in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He found the dark blue color to be a sad blue tonight. He was upset. Not even the twinkling of his twirly devices could cheer him up, which was their prime purpose.

The worry over Sophie grew by the second. It was only a silly cold, but even a tiny cough would convince him the world was at its end. He understood and disliked the reason behind it.

It was this "love" thing. It was so new to him, so innocent and inexperienced, despite popular belief. He was as new to this as a newborn babe is to the world. He barely understood how to keep his head up.

_I'll visit Sophie,_ he decided, pushing himself into an upright position. He was across the room in three, swift strides.

But, hey, this was Sophie he was thinking about.

_~0~_

Howl was afraid to knock. He often found himself far less confident whenever he was around her. This time was no different.

His knuckles gently brushed the wood. "Um, Sophie, are you in there?" He asked in a shy voice.

He almost immediately flinched. Was she in there?! She was sick, and hadn't left her room for hours. Of course she was there!

Her small voice came across like a lullaby. "Oh, Howl, is that you? Yes, I'm here."

Howl released the breathe he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. "Yes, can I come in?"

There was a shuffling inside before an answer arose. "Yes. You can come in now."

He cautiously creaked the door open and smiled at the first sight of his love. His hand danced over her face, checking her temperature again.

A small frown breached his face. Sophie wasn't fond of the look. "Is something wrong?" She queried softly.

Howl forced himself to visibly brighten up. "How do you feel?"

"Cold," she admitted, unaware of the heat radiating from het cheeks.

"You're running a slight fever, Sophie. You stay here, rest. I'll be back with a bowl of soup."

"No, I'm fi-"

"Sophie!" He broke in harshly. His voice soften, trying to convey his gentle meaning as he continued, "Let me take care of you."

Gradually, she finally gave in with a silent nod.

He offered her a handsome smile that bordered on smugness. "That's my girl," he murmured affectionately.

Howl laid a soft kiss on her forehead before leaving. Sophie's fingers lingered to the place where his lips had touched.


	5. A grape incident

Howl sucked at making soup. Anyone who knew him could tell you that. His quota barely reached eggs and bacon, much less stew. He almost regretted his decision, but he couldn't ever say no to Sophie.

His stupid heart would never permit it.

He glared at the container of the organ in question. Never once had he hated a body part so much. It was almost a burden to maintain such blatant loathing.

_Sophie, you said my heart would be a burden. You never said how much of one it would be! _He inwardly complained.

Ignoring the internal rapping, he fetched a crock pot and filled it with water. The fresh flow of liquid blotted out the sound of his heart sounding hard inside its cage. It wasn't the only thing that wished to break free. His feelings rushed in a torrent of directions.

He tried to make the best of it. Looking on the bright side, he noted that he got the pleasure of taking care of Sophie, even if it meant work. It was for a great cause, wasn't it? Even the thought didn't brighten him up much.

Howl got bored halfway through the middle of the making and cast a quick spell to finish it. Sophie wouldn't know the difference, would she? Surely not...

The needy magician put the contents into a bowl and slumped up the stairs with the resulting form.

His knock was louder than last time. "Sophie, I'm coming in," he stated matter-of-factly.

He pushed the door open and frowned at the sight of his love interest staring out the window, which was open. And she was weak.

"What are you doing?!" Howl gapped. He ran over to her, dripping the bowl in the process. He barely heard the sound of the breaking glass. Howl pulled the flailing girl back and slammed the window shut.

He whipped around and stared at the troublesome girl that made up the woman he loved. She was sitting on the floor, fanning herself desperately with her hand. "It's too hot!" She cried out. "I couldn't breathe, so I panicked."

Howl softened after he heard her explanation. He smiled at the her and scooped her up as though she were a doll that weighed nothing. She scrunched her nose up as he gentle tucked her back in.

"You've got to lie still, or you'll only make yourself worse. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

Sophie shook her head innocently. "No! And I wasn't trying to worry you either," she replied hurriedly.

"Well, I brought you soup." Howl cast a rueful look back at the contents of the food and glass sprawled out everywhere. "Unfortunely, it never got to you. That being said..." he waved his hand and the mess disappeared, "Voila. All done, my dear."

Sophie clapped her hands delightedly. "That's fantastic, Howl!' She gushed out.

He almost scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Yes, and now there's the matte of what you'll eat."

"Don't worry about it. I'm not that hungry," Sophie tried to lie for his sake.

He saw through her act with sickening ease. "Sophie," he murmured softly, "I promised I'd make you something. As a gentleman, I will not go back on my word. Nor should you encourage me to. Give me a moment, and you shall have your fill."

Howl closed his eyes and concentrated all thoughts towards Sophie. His mouth muttered the words and slowly, the form began to grow into a recognizable shape. Without opening his eyes, he gestured the creation closer to himself with his index finger.

A peaceful bowl of grapes rested in his hands as he turned around to face her. "Sorry it's not more fanciful. I wish I could-"

"You've got to be kidding. I love grapes, Howl! How did you know?"

He cracked a small half smile. "Lucky guess."

She grinned back and cuddled up against him, plucking the grapes of their stems, and eating them. He just couldn't get any happier.


End file.
